Be Patient….With Yourself

I have been reflecting on my process of healing over the last few years and was thinking to myself, “man it isn’t over yet?!”. Have you ever felt that way? Sometimes that can just get a sista down a little bit. Today, however, I went a little further and really felt compassion for myself and saw how patience has been a stronghold, even though I always say I’m impatient!

 

It is so important to be patient with yourself. This is especially true for someone that is healing from trauma. There are times when I want so badly to just say, “Hey! I’m done here. I’m completely healed and now my life will be perfect all the time!”. I’m here to say that it just doesn’t work that way and sometimes it is really hard to come to terms with the process of healing.

 

I know that today I am so far away from the moments where I wanted to leave this earth, where I cried, “why me?!” day in and day out. Where I just couldn’t see the sun come up in the morning beaming it’s sweet warmth on my face. I’m so happy to say that today, I can walk outside to see and feel her beauty, to bask in how she shows me that life is worth living.

 

 

But honey! The road to feeling the sun is one that requires compassion for yourself, patience in being okay with the fact that it will take time to peel away the layers of protection that we’ve put on. I see the process as a tree.

 

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You start with the trunk, addressing the very foundation upon which we grow on and heal the wounds that were created. Once your trunk is strong, vibrant, knows who she is as a survivor, as a resilient woman of life, then come the branches…these are the seemingly smaller issues that come up. This can include some of the beliefs, the behaviors, the thoughts that come up that may or may not belong to you but definitely find it’s core in your main wound. This is when patience really needs to kick in as we can have many branches! It is important to remember that we are a spiritual being living this human experience and this human experience is dynamic!

 

So….let’s be patient. Let’s honor how far we have come and look forward to what is to come….the sun shining oh so bright!

On Being a Part of the Whole

A human being is part of a whole, called by us the ‘Universe’ —a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts, and feelings, as something separated from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”  – Albert Einstein

First, Albert Einstein was more than theoretical physicist? What? He had some other amazing truths to bless us with?! Maybe some of you all knew that already, but I was certainly pleased to read this quote by Mr. Einstein. It goes so well with today’s morning meditation and creative experience.

I took a walk through the park today and decided to do a new kundalini meditation (new to me at least) called the WHA GURU Meditation for bringing on a state of calmness and joy of mind that also works with my subtle body. As I meditated, I began to hear this voice of pride, which admittedly was a little unsettling because I’m supposed to be experiencing calmness and joy right? I asked, “What do I need to do about this voice of pride?”.

The opposite of pride is humility. in focusing on the energy of humility, the voice of pride began to transform into the voice of humility. This voice helped me to see I was able to sit there doing this meditation because a dear friend, the owner of Delta Groove Yoga Studio, gifted me with this meditation. The reason I am able to work with the emotion of pride, transforming it into humility is through the teachings of Jacquelyn Small and Jane Abraham. Let’s not forget, my own self. My own soul deciding to take a walk in nature, to feel the breeze, hear the trees, listen to the birds sing, and hear the voice inside myself guiding me in a gentle compassionate way to remember that I am not alone. I wasn’t there this morning completely out of my own volition. My path this morning became beautiful as a result of all the parts coming together in harmony and love. I realized that I truly am a part of the whole.

Pride has two faces. One face encourages you to pat yourself on the back after completing a task or gong through a tough experience that you otherwise were unsure you could accomplish. The other face gives you the illusion that you have accomplished all in your life by yourself and/or your life holds more value than others. It can also make you forget that you are a part and not the whole. Imagine a piece of music, it’s notes and vibration. If you take one or two notes out, that musical piece is no longer whole. Now imagine playing just one note on a piano. It may sound like it is just one note, but the truth is that this one note that has just been played has it’s own vibration that comes through to make that sound. Now imagine vibrations. I can help you imagine that with the awesome visual above. You see the many parts within that depiction of vibration? it is complete.

We are not alone. Even if we feel like we are, we are not. Even if it feels like there is no one around to support you, I challenge you to let the energy of humility come through into your life. Sit down quietly just for 5 minutes and ask for humility. Pay attention to how you feel, what people in your life come through in your minds eye as helpful souls along your path no matter how big or small. And if you still cannot feel it, go outside. Let nature be the one to show you that you are not alone. Let the wind brush your cheek ever so slightly whispering words of comfort for you. Let the joy of the birds singing fill your heart.


You are not alone my friend. You are a key part of the whole.
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Finding Your Truth

 

Find your truth…

How many times have you heard someone tell you that? As if it is just so easy! I remember being in my clinical counseling class during my master’s program and my teacher asking us the question “Who are you?”. I started at my blank piece of paper and could only come up with adjectives like kind, caring, sometimes funny. Then, as if the exercise was not difficult enough already, she asked “What is your essence?”. I mean at that point my life was basically done! I thought, “Welp, there it is! I don’t know who the hell I am!”. A part of me was completely dumbfounded at the fact that I couldn’t answer the question. Another part of me was admittedly a little irritated at the question. Come on! What does that have to do with counseling anyway?! Well it certainly has everything to do with guiding someone during any life adjustment to the center of who they are, therefore, making it very important for me to be able to know my center, my essence. I cannot even remember what vague answer I came up with (I actually think I tried to make myself invisible) but at that moment I knew I had some work to do to discover my own inner truth of who I am. This truth being one that exists outside of what anyone thinks I am or expects me to be.

And so my journey began…

Well it took another year before the journey actually started. You know how grad school is…just trying to survive.  But it did begin eventually.

My first true experience of seeing who I really am occurred when I decided I would do anything it takes to do my counseling practicum at an alternative healing center. I was adamant that this is where I was going to learn the best kind of counseling…one that included the spiritual dimension. The owner agreed I could study under her under one condition…I needed to do my own personal work which looked like getting together some pillows and blankets, coming to the center on a Saturday morning and breathing deep while listening to some super loud music. I thought this is some crazy mess right here but I’m going to do it! Something in my heart stirred. I couldn’t explain it but I knew I had to experience this seemingly odd practice of breathwork.

Well…let me just say, after all of the tears, feelings of elation, and getting my creative juices flowing with the artistic mandala creation after, I realized I had found the key to finally answering the question that I had been asked of me the year before.

The quest of becoming who you are is certainly not a one day or one breathwork kind of discovery. It takes time, patience, mercy and forgiveness of self, and a willingness to look into all of the heart including the dark and untouched corners (you know, where all those cobwebs are). It is, however, a beautiful journey.

Through all of my breathworks and many other self-discovery and healing experiences, one thing remains true – See the truth within you, in your heart, and let it shine through honey!

Infinite Love and Gratitude